No Ship to Bear Me Hence - Tolkien's Widowed Fathers

 One connection I noticed in The Lord of The Rings and The Hobbit trilogies were the widowed fathers Lord Elrond, King Thranduil and Bard. Not only did they have to raise their children alone, but they were also leaders with people who looked up to them. The loss of their wives may not be spoken at time, but it is certainly felt with their interactions with others. Whether it's their own children or understanding strangers.

Lord Elrond and Lady Celebrian

Elrond married Celebrian, the daughter of Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn. Together they had three children; twins, Elrohir and Elledan and their only daughter, Arwen. The only mention of Celebrian in the Rings series was when describing the whereabouts of the twins.

"But her [Arwen] brothers, Elledan and Elrohir, were out upon errantry: for they rode often far afield with the Rangers of the North, forgetting never their mother's torment in the den of the orcs."

While there was no detailed account of what happened to Celebrian, it seems to be that she was tortured and maybe even assaulted. When she returned home, the shame and trauma of her abduction became too much. Even Elrond for all his healing skills could not fully bring his wife back to her former self. Celebrian finally decided to leave for the Grey Havens. A decision that may have been in her best interest, but was still a devastating loss for those she left behind.

Celebrian's leaving broke her family apart. Her sons spent their lives traveling with the Rangers and hunting down Orcs, rarely returning to Rivendell. Arwen was still a child by Elven standards (possibly 12 or 13) and was sent to live with her grandparents in Lothlorien. This left their father more alone than ever, having to run Rivendell, while also commissioned as a Ring Bearer and was oftentimes called upon for wisdom and council.

 

Knowing all of this background information gives a better understanding to why Elrond was so adamant that Arwen follow her people to the Grey Havens. He has witnessed the suffering of both men and elves. He didn't want his only daughter to go through the same endless cycle of heartbreak and loss. Especially since he would not be there to comfort her.

While Elrond's family may have fallen apart to some extent, it clearly didn't seem to hold him back. On the contrary, it pushed him forward. His incredible compassion, kindness and hospitality towards anyone who entered his home made him legendary. 

Even the dwarves, the longtime rivals of the elves, held him in high esteem. With most of Middle-Earth depending on Elrond to be a voice of wisdom and reason, he couldn't afford to allow the departure of his wife to deter him from his work. Elrond may not have been able to save his wife or keep his family together, but he could strive to protect Middle-Earth from suffering the same fate.

Thranduil and Calathiel

In the The Hobbit book, Thranduil doesn't play a large role, except for when he put the dwarves in prison. This allowed the films to really create and mold a character that was so diametrically opposite to the traditional Tolkien elves (and you can tell that everyone involved had a lot of fun with it too!). As I explored in my essay last year about Thranduil and Legolas' complex relationship that really centered on Legolas' desire to help the outside world, while his father wanted to be shut away from it. This all stems from the unexpected death of Thradnduil's wife, Calathiel. A death that Thranduil holds his enemies, the dwarves, responsible for.

When Smaug the Dragon wreaked havoc in Erabor and the town of Dale, the elves of Mirkwood became casualties as well. It isn't explained if Calathiel died immediately or suffered (like Celebrian), however, both Thranduil and his son were damaged by it. Elves can die of a broken heart and follow their loved ones into otherworldly lands. Thranduil felt obligated to stay in Middle-Earth, because there was no one else to care for his people. Yet, the brokenness is still there all the same. 

Grieving the loss of his wife, angered at the Dwarves and their greed and afraid of losing more, Thranduil allows coldness to seep into his heart. He focuses his mind on greed and worldly items that could deter him from his trauma. He becomes belligerent and demanding of anyone who questions his authority. He is quick to let his prejudice and anger rule his better judgment. What he believes to be absolute honesty, is nothing more than heartbreaking sentiments that wounds those around him. 

Thradnduil's demands of omission from the world eventually backfire on him. When Legolas' finally disregards his father's orders and aids the dwarves, Thranduil has no choice but to leave and find him. Up to this point we know that Thradnduil's general excuse is to reclaim the jewels in Erabor that are rightfully his. He wouldn't allow anyone to believe that he might be there to bring his son home. Because that would mean he has a heart and that his fatherly instinct in still there. 

When he gets caught up in the war and befriends, Bard the Bowman, who is responsible for the Smaug's demise, there becomes a slow change in him. Bard's warm and humane nature has an impact. Thranduil has met a man who is not too different from him. A widower, with young children to raise and community of people who depend on him. As an elf, it is Thradnduil's role to safeguard and protect Middle-Earth from all evil, not just his own kind. Men, dwarves and Hobbits are brought into Thradnduil's life, everyone with their story of loss and suffering and pain.

You can never expect a broken heart to heal overnight or to even heal at all. Thranduil probably mourned his wife until the end of his days. The death of a loved can damage you in more ways than you realize. Anger, fear and even hate become mental aids to cover that grief that one is silently made to suffer. Sometimes that sadness of others, empathizing with people, understanding their hurt as well and knowing you have the ability to at least comfort them, can be extremely healing. Through war, death and loss, Thradnduil's heart slowly begins to reopen and he begins to learn how to love again. 

Bard and Solvi

Bard is the most fleshed out minor character in The Hobbit. In the book he is mentioned in one sentence. In the films, he becomes the reluctant warrior hero who is paramount to the success against Sauron's forces. Yet, before he slew the dragon he was already a hero to his three lively, loving children, Sigrid, Bain and Tilda. Little knowledge is known about Bard's wife (who was never given a name) except that she was lovely and she was gone. 

As with Thranduil and Elrond, Bard carries the loss of his wife quietly while raising his children the best that he can. Unlike Elrond and Thranduil, Bard is poor like everyone else in the dirty and corrupt settlement of Laketown. Bard ekes out a living as the bargeman to provide for his family, while keeping to himself. However, when a company of thirteen dwarves plus one hobbit land in his boat, Bard's quiet life goes into a vastly different direction. 

It's very quickly established that everything Bard does is for his children. They are really the only value he has in his life, as children should be to their parents. Bard cannot afford to allow his grief to consume him and hide away from the world. Whereas Elrond's family was separated when his wife left and Thranduil cut himself off from the world when his wife dies, Bard couldn't afford to do either. Even in his living conditions, Bard kept his family together and didn't allow his personal grief to stand in the way of helping his town.

As compared to his elvish contemporaries. Bard managed to remain a good and present father, as well as a successful leader. This isn't accomplished despite being human but rather because of it. The average human has a life span of 80-85 years. A mere blink of an eye to an elf. Time is short which makes life to human infinitely precious and meant to be spent in the present, not looking back on what was.

Bard's victory with the dragon may have made him a legend and uncrowned king to his people, but his victories as a father made him all the more real and heroic. He influenced King Thranduil to turn his heart back to his son and eventually saw him as an ally. It's a shame that Bard and Elrond didn't meet (at least not in the films), their similarities to one another would have been wonderful to see. 

As Arwen said to her father regarding her choice to remain mortal, "There is no ship to bear me hence." An apt meaning for the decisions we make in out lives and the consequences that result from them. Elrond, Thranduil and Bard certainly didn't choose to lose their wives, but they could choose how to cope with their losses. Some choices may have been more extreme or difficult than others. Separation may mean more separation both physically and mentally. It can also mean closer reunification, because you never know what moment might be your last as well.