The Narrative of a Christian Feminist

Can a woman be both a Christian and a feminist? Yes, I believe she can. Not rabid 3rd wave feminism, but rather the idea that men and women can be seen and treated as equals in the eyes of God, while still fulfilling the respective roles that God created for them.

After I wrote The Narrative of an Early Bloomer last year, I noticed that several of the comments talked about the Church and the double standards it has set between boys and girls, and men and women. Some of them really let their feelings and opinions out there in my comments section and I'm glad they did. Early Bloomer was about myself, however, this post will take what I read in the comments and address the Church and the damage it has done to generations of women.

From Skye:

First off I think your so brave for sharing this. And it’s something that needs to be talked about.
The purity movement is a mess and the double standard always bothered the hell out of me. Like when I was given an uncut key and told to make a notch in it everytime I did something. The boys never had to deal with that bullshit. Let’s keep telling girls their objects and their purity is a commodity, that’s not going to mess them up right.
Like your not supposed to think about sex until your married and then it’s a duty that your not really supposed to like because your a girl. It’s ridiculous!
I hate that we’re told we’re dirty if we even think about it, and boys are told it’s natural and that they can’t control themselves. (Ugh anyway sorry if this sounds like a rant)
I related to so much in this post. I told everyone I was a late bloomer but that’s not really true. I was curious at a fairly young age, I read a lot of books I was too young for and a lot of shows. But always said I hated romance and depending on the type that’s still kinda true. I pretended not to care about boys because I hated how everyone would be like “you like them” so I was like nope.
I hate that I felt like I had to hide any kind of interest because they make you think it’s dirty.
(I love that Legolas was responsible for so many Christian girls sexual awakening. Myself included, like you go Orlando XD)
To all those double standards, fuck off.

From McKayla:

This post is absolutely fantastic. You've said so many things that I've wanted to say, but didn't know how to say. I'm a late bloomer (I don't think I even had a bonafide crush on anyone until I was at least thirteen), but there is definitely a double standard when it comes to sex, and it bothers me so much. It's treated as sinful when women think about or enjoy sex, but for men it's natural. I hate that. And, while we're on the topic of controversy, there have been plenty of times where things people have said things similar to this to me that made me incredibly anxious at all times about the possibility of sinning. It had never entered my mind until about a year ago that maybe there wasn't anything wrong with me. Maybe the problem was with the things I was being taught. Of course I do believe that there are plenty of things that are sin, but there are some things I was constantly being told was sin or dirty wasn't really.

⚘ ⚘ ⚘

I can't begin to tell you (who are reading) how relieved I was to know that I wasn't alone in my sexual struggle. And that the double standards of the Church are harming young women to the point where there is no desire to find a proper husband in the Church. Not if we are made to conform to archaic ideals that should have been dispelled ages ago. The Church's misinterpretation of the Bible and the treatment of women has caused women to not only leave the Church body, but also to reject Christianity as a whole. 

First I need to say, Christianity is not sexist or misogynist! Christianity is the most liberating and free thinking of all world religions and beliefs! The Bible is filled with incredible women that were human and made mistakes, but found grace and forgivness. Women who were obedient and were blessed beyond measure for their obedience, Rahab, Ruth, Esther, Mary and many more. Women who the modern Church would actually find intimidating, such as Deborah and Jael. Or women who have been misinterpreted and maligned, such as Bathsheba, who was a victim not a villain (more on her later). 

Let me give you a couple of scenarios that accurately portrays the modern Evangelical Church. These double standards are very real and more often than not are never talked about. The Church still has a reputation of being misogynist and sexist. The first scenario happened to both my sister and her friend. 

1. A husband and wife are in counseling for their marriage. The husband has a life long porn addiction and is emotionally abusive to his wife.

Wife: I try to do my best and be a good Christian wife. I pray for my husband everyday. I'm there when he needs me. I raise our children to the highest standard of Christian living. I know about his porn addiction and am very aware of how difficult it must be for him. I'm trying so very hard to save this marriage, but if he doesn't love me as he once did, then how can I stay?

The Church to the wife: God commands that you are to stay with your husband. You took a vow and you must honor it. If you leave your husband, the church will have no choice but to excommunicate you.

Husband: She just doesn't understand my problems! I need my space! Look, I struggle with porn, but at least I'm not an alcoholic or using drugs. If my wife made herself more available to me, then maybe I wouldn't have this addiction. She spends all her time with the kids or taking care of the house. What about my needs? When do I get her attention? If I have a problem, she's the center of it. She's just not being the submissive wife that God has told her to be. 

The Church to the husband: Your struggle is very real and we will do all we can to shepherd and help you to overcome it. God won't leave you and you can still glorify him with your testimony.

2. A young girl is being pursued by a boy in Youth Group. She has told him multiple times to leave her alone, but he has been persistent with her to the point of almost assaulting her. She finally goes to the Church leaders for help.

Girl: He says I was leading him on, but I wasn't! I would just talk and laugh with him, but I never did or said anything that implied that I wanted anything more than a friendship. I always dress modestly and make sure I'm never alone with any boys. I was taught never to lead boys on or give them wrong idea He said the directors needed help in the back room...I thought I was just doing him a kindness...as a friend.

The Church to the girl: You should be more aware of how you act and dress. You might think your clothing was acceptable, but boys...well, it's difficult with them. Why didn't you ask someone to go with you? It was your decision to go with him and this is where the consequences of actions have led you. Plus, that shirt is showing your shoulders and your shorts are a little too above the knee. No wonder he was struggling. 

Boy: She's just so pretty. I mean, when we're together she's always subtly hinting at things with me. Girls are always saying, 'I just want to be friends, I mean that's always code for something.' And what she was wearing. She looked real good. Not just what she was wearing, but also her makeup and her hair. I could tell she had other ideas. She totally wanted it. And I knew she wanted it when she went with me to the back room. She could have just said no. Seriously, these girls make it so hard to be a Christian. 

The Church to the boy: Girls and young women tend to say things, while they're completely unaware that could be several interpretations. Of course, you in a sense did lie to her and told her that there were other people, but you are right as well. She did make the decision to go. Don't worry about it. I'm sure she may just be exaggerating. 

3. The Church's attitude on relationships and marriage for women

Woman at 21 years old: I've never had a boyfriends or been in a relationship. What if I never find someone?

The Church: You're so young! You have so much of your life ahead of you! Work on college and maybe get a good job and learn how to take care of yourself. Take your time, be patient and God will lead you to the right man!

Woman at 31 years old: I've still never been in a relationship or had a boyfriend. I have a good job that had been so beneficial in my life and others, and I believe that this is where God wants me to be. However, I've waited patiently and prayed that God in his time would provide someone, but people are beginning to ask rude questions and wonder while I'm still single.

The Church: Well, if you're not married than it's your fault! You chose to have a career over trying to find a husband! At your age, you should have found someone and be a mother by now. But no. You were selfish and just waited and did absolutely nothing with your time!

I wish I could say that these are just possible scenarios, but unfortunately they are very real. Starting with young and impressionable girls, telling them that their only value is in their purity and modesty. And then women, demanding that they be the perfect Proverbs 31 women and when they fail to do so, then it's their own fault. And speaking of fault, there's one more scenario that I desperately need to let out.

Why is it that woman are always portrayed as the tempters and not as the tempted??

In stories of modern day Christian struggles with addictions and sex, why is it always women that are seen as the objects of temptation? Aren't women just as capable of the same fallen nature of sexual desire and want? Why does it always have to be the poor man who must struggle so hard to control his thoughts of the beautiful woman? Why can't it be the Christian women who is portrayed as vulnerable and battling for her own heart?

Why can't we ever talk about the hardships of women's sexual natures and how they are just as capable of being trapped and scared? Mankind came crashing down because a woman was tempted. So believe me, it's there. Women can just as easily be tempted and give into their desires.

And the finest example of that is Bathsheba from the Old Testament. 

Oh Bathsheba. The beautiful woman who caught the eye of the king and by default, practically destroyed his line. Notice, I wrote that she simply caught the eye of King David. She was simply bathing on the roof and David saw her. And David wanted her. And David got her. Of course, most people know what followed afterwards (Solomon. Like father like son).

Bathsheba did nothing wrong, though. She was the innocent. She was the one being tempted by the king. The Bible states that David had no idea who this woman was, so they obviously never met. When she was brought to him, it was probably their first meeting with one another. The great King of Israel pursued here and therefore, tempted her to his bed. And she complied. Maybe she desired him, but there is nothing in the Bible that claims that Bathsheba ever tried to gain the king's attention. However, she is constantly portrayed as a 'bad girl of the Bible,' as a seductress and even a homewrecker.

Who is the real villain though? David, who used his power and standing over a woman who was really doing nothing wrong. David, who clearly tempted a young woman to break her marriage vow and spend a night (or maybe more than a night) with him. Bathsheba was not the seductress. David was the seducer. David was the homewrecker. David was the liar, the murderer and the ultimate downfall of his line and the kingdom of Israel. Bathsheba was a woman, whose only crime was being beautiful. 

The modern day Evangelical Church has done a great deal of damage to women. Single women are becoming a majority in most churches. Why? Because they would rather have independence as single Christians then to subject themselves to patriarchal misinterpretations of the Bible. In Sunday School and Youth Group, all that young girls are taught are to be pure until marriage. That's it. No sex until marriage and God will be happy with you. Adult women must face the constant back and forth of people's opinions of singleness and what their true worth is. 

I'm a Christian and I'm also a feminist. I'm tired of the double standards that have infiltrated the Church body. To condemn women and girls, while protecting rapists and abusers. To tell women that their only value is in their virginity. To judge women who choose to remain single rather than go blindly into a false marriage. To forever portray women as tempters and not see that they are just capable of being tempted by men. To disregard women's sexuality and tell them that they belong to a man and have no autonomy over themselves.

 If the Church doesn't address these issues and end its double standards in its treatment of men and women, then it will only be left with single men who are incapable of knowing how to love as God commanded them to love.