I've never been popular.
Not growing up.
And certainly not on social media.
Writing this is very much outside of what I usually write and this is a very difficult topic for me to discuss too. So, I'm hoping there is someone out there who can relate to both experiences I've been through and am still going through.
Growing Up
I was homeschooled and my only socialization was at my church. Unfortunately I was only one of a few kids that was homeschooled while the other kids in my peer group all went to the same schools. For any homeschooler reading this, you can maybe imagine the difficulty I had in making friends. Homeschooling in the 90's and early millennia still wasn't socially accepted even in the church. Due to the immense alt-right and fundamentalist Christian branch of homeschooling, there was intense stigma connected to homeschooling.
So, friendships were very hard to come by. I mean, I had friends, but I was friends with the friends of the popular girls.When I was with these said friends, everything was great, but soon as the popular girl arrived, I was ditched. Did it hurt? Definitely. I spent a good amount of my young middle school/early high school years wondering if there was something wrong with me.
My mom always told me that to make friends, I had to be the one to approach people. Except when I did, I normally got treated like trash. And that was just as hurtful. I'm not an outgoing person, so for me to take a risk and leave my comfort zone and actually make an approach to someone, only to have them blatantly ignore me was heartbreaking.
By the time I graduated, I gave up on the whole friend thing and simply didn't care. I was pretty, I was smart and I had my own way of doing things. When I worked at the church daycare, I was friendly enough with people, but past experience taught me to never become fully invested. And so I never became close to anyone. Then I started college and suddenly, everyone wants to hang out with me! It was quite a shock to be honest, but college was some of the happiest experiences of my life and even though I'm not really in contact with a lot of those people anymore, I have many great and wonderful memories.
Social Media
And through all of that loneliness I endured as a teenager, it was writing that saved me. I started my Xanga site in late 2006 and had it for several years. Having my website helped me in so many ways. I was able to vent my feelings, talk about my passions and discover I had a talent in writing I never knew I had before. After Xanga died out, I got this site and certainly have had no regrets whatsoever.
However, like I said on top, I'm certainly not popular on social media either. I'm not writing this to make people feel bad, but it's a truth too. I sometimes wonder how a person can be on Blogger for a few months and boom they have 100 followers in no time; while I have been on Blogger 7 going on 8 years and I'm still under 40 followers. And that's pretty much the same story on Instagram (one girl got to 100 followers and had only 2 posts). I appreciate my followers immensely or anyone who comes by and reads my posts. At the same time, I love interacting with people too. I mean as far as interacting online can go.
I've noticed that already knowing someone prior to getting a blog also goes a long way. That person in a sense can promote you and your blog, but unfortunately Blogger or blogging isn't popular out here. I would love to have more followers, but it isn't just followers I want. I want to be able to comment back and forth and give ideas, get ideas and be able to share and enjoy the same likes and dislikes.
Maybe I'm just venting...I'm not sure. I don't want to sound petulant or jealous either. Yet there is frustration when you think, "Am I just not a good writer? Is there something wrong with my site?" So one and so forth. Jamie at Through Two Blue Eyes gave me some great advice and said to go to other peoples blogs and comment there (sounds like familiar advice) and when I do, I normally never get a response back.
I don't open up easily to people and I normally don't write about my personal issues. Yet, somehow writing about these personal problems on my site gives me sense of relief. These thoughts and experiences of mine are going out into cyberspace and hopefully one person can read this post and say, "Oh yeah! I totally understand!"
It was never my intention for my site to focus around reviews either. I've just started doing book reviews (which I enjoy immensely!) and of course, I love movie reviewing. Well...maybe a little too much. My reviews sometimes tend to come out looking more like essays than my own general thoughts. However, the writing part is easy. It's all the posters, pictures and graphics that go with the review that are difficult. I'm a very precise person, so all graphics and gifs have to be the same width, size and similar theme or design. If I'm doing character reviews, then all the posters/graphics have to be matching! No exceptions!
At least with the books reviews I just post a cover of the book and write my review. Books are infinitely easier than movies and that's a truth. And thanks to the 2018 Goodreads Book Challenge, I have plenty of books to review.
If anyone is reading this, then please let me know if there's something I should be doing differently on my site or even better, relate to me your own experiences of not being popular and how did you cope with it? Or are you popular and do you enjoy where you are at?
I completely understand this, I was homeschooled in the 90's too. I went to school as well though for some grades so I made more friends then I probably would have. Now I only have a few really good friends, but I like it that way. I don't understand how people's blogs and Instagram's blow up so fast it takes me years to match them. I try not to worry about it too much, I've always thought that if you do something you love. It doesn't really matter how many people applaud you for it.
ReplyDeleteThey should give medals to kids who survived homeschooling in the 90’s!
DeleteWhat you said about going out of your comfort zone to approach people and then getting rejected . . . ouch.
ReplyDeleteI really don't approach people either. I need to try to improve on that, at least in my community college, but it's really hard for me.
As to the followers/community thing, all I can say at the moment is that I apologize for myself for any and all times I've left a comment from you without a response. I've realized that I've gotten pretty bad about replying to comments and there's really no excuse for it, especially when I know how much it means both to receive a comment and to receive a reply to a comment I've written. So I need to try to do better about that, too.
You ask for advice; I don't know if I have any suggestions. I'd have to think about it a while longer. (One thing that has comforted me in the past, though, when I didn't have many followers, was considering that it was possible that someone was faithfully following my posts and just not commenting. I used to do that for several years myself, so I know it does happen. And it can be nice to think that your blog might be someone's favorite place to come on the Internet; it might be their respite from a difficult day or week. They just may not be commenting.)
Other than that, for the moment, I wanted to say that your new (ish?) look is really pretty! Especially your profile pictures. And I like the note about bluebirds on the sidebar. ;)
That was pretty difficult for me to write too, but now I'm glad I did.
DeleteCommunity college was great for me! I loved going to school and I met some wonderful people. And like I wrote, after years of being the invisible girl, I was suddenly the girl everyone wanted to spend time with. The funny thing is I never really noticed that change until I left school.
You have never, never been a problem when it comes to replying back to comments! Believe me! That's my worst problem! I'm constantly forgetting to reply back to people too! What I was primarily talking about is when I go to new blogs and introduce myself and never get a reply back. I always know I'm going to get some kind of reply back from you.
I think that would be a comforting thought that someone is faithfully following my blog and reading my posts. One thing I know that is helpful is participating in blog parties which is where most people tend to meet. I know the Rachel Kovaciny/Hamlette just posted several blog parties that she's either going to be attending or hosting. I use to participate in those a lot, but got so busy with work. I'm going to try and do several of the blog parties this year too.
Thank you so much! I had the same layout design for so many years and so I'm just starting new with a more streamlined and simple look and I love it! And that profile picture was taken by me (using a filter) while I was in the car on the way to my sister's for Christmas. I got really bored! I do love bluebirds! They'll become an aesthetic staple on my site now.
Hello Ivy,
ReplyDeleteI stumbled across your page when I was looking for information about Anastasia Romanov. Thank you for your articles, they were very interesting and informative.
After reading them I began looking at your other posts you have made and I was interested on the one on popularity.
I was born in the early 60’s and went to high school in the later70’s. I was not homeschooled but I did go to a private Christian school. I love my family but I was a very shy child and had trouble making friends. Most classmates thought I was stuck up because I was painfully shy and quiet. It wasn’t until I went to college that I came out of my shell and made some friends. So I understand what you are talking about. Looking back I did not understand until I was older why I did not fit in. I was considered a snob. But no one told me that because I just went to class and went home and did not talk to people very much. I went to the same school from 1st through 12th grade.
To this day I only have one close girlfriend and my best friend is my husband. I have had a successful career and I have 2 very outgoing children. But sometimes it has been lonely.
I love your blog page and your writing. I am a amateur watercolor artist and your page is put together beautifully.
I know it’s 2022 but I hope you see this comment. Your are making a difference in others lives.
Sincerely,
Lisa
Hello Lisa!
DeleteThank you for visiting my site and I'm so glad my posts helped in your research. It's always relieving to meet someone who has the same situations that I'm in. I'm not sure that people consider me a snob, but because I'm not loud or outgoing, but rather just reserved and somewhat honest, that tends to put people in situations of not knowing how to respond to me at times.
Thank you for your kind words about my site as well! I love working on the layouts and the aesthetics that translates my personality onto my blog. An of course writing has always been a lifelong passion of mine.
I'm glad I saw your comment; it really made my day. Feel free to stop by and comment at anytime : )
Thank you so much for your post, Ivy! I’ve been looking for other likeminded Christian bloggers as I joined the blogging world rather recently, and I must say there is no shortage! (I do hope you see this… I realise I’m rather late to the party here.)
ReplyDeleteI particularly appreciated this post, as I was also homeschooled and have a tough time making friends. I attend a private Christian school now, and people are pretty welcoming but—well, I guess it’s the introvert bookworm in me that would rather sit inside by the window and lose myself in a fictional world. Your post has inspired me to keep trying. Thank you so, so much!
By the way, I love your site. It’s beautiful! I’ve been playing around with changing up my own and was wondering how you achieved this loveliness—what template did you use?
Thanks again!
-Astrya
No such thing as late to the party! The important thing is that you're here : ) I'm so glad my post has been helping you with school. Believe me it's never easy getting out of your comfort zone especially when you've experienced rejection before.
DeleteThank you! I used the simple template, but there's a great deal of editing that's been done.
Thank you! That is quite true :D
DeleteWell, it’s paid off!