Defending Daughters

What I'm about to write may be along the lines of modern day feminist ideologies. If you don't like it, read it anyway. I value people's opposing views. Lets start of with this video of an episode of CBS' Blue Bloods a show about a multi-generational family of police officers and lawyers. It's long but it's worth the watch.

     While I definitely enjoyed this moment between Nicky and her grandfather, something prior to their moment triggered my not so buried inner feminist. Rewind to 2:14 on the video to re-watch Linda Reagan's rather callous comment about how she was 'so glad she had boys,' and her husband immediately agreeing with her. When I first watched the episode it didn't bother me, but a few hours later I began to think back to the episode. And the more I thought about it, the more Linda and Danny Reagan aggravated me with their attitude toward Nicky.

    Was Nicky getting out of line and acting naive about the issue of drugs? Yes, absolutely.

    However, instead of just staying at the table and arguing with her family, she got up and left so she could cool down. Then when her grandfather sat down to talk to her, she immediately apologized for her behavior, which I think showed great maturity on her part.

Anyways, back to Danny and Linda's attitude about Nicky. I have longed believe that even with all the advances that woman have made in the last 100 years-workforce, education, military, single success--, there is still a rather biased attitude towards girls. Yes, girls can be difficult to deal with, but as someone who has to deal with boys and girls of varying ages every single day, I'll tell you that boys are no picnic either.

    The more people (like Danny and Linda) give into the attitude that having girls is a mortal sin, because, God forbid, you have to deal with a teenager, the less likely people are going to actually see the value that girls have in society. 

     Let me start off by saying, I'm not a mom, but I have been caring for children for almost 18 years. No two children are alike and sometimes I've had easier with girls and other times with boys. However, I have borne witness to social attitudes regarding girls and how damaging they can be for the proper growth of young women.

     Such as one mother that I was babysitting for that had a five year old son and an 18 month old daughter. Because her daughter was the more demanding of the two children, the mother told me that  if she has a third child, she hope it wouldn't be a girl. Because all children's personalities are based on their gender immediately after birth, right??

    When I was at school, I overheard a pregnant woman talking to her friends. She was married with two daughters. One was hers and the other was her husbands from a previous relationship. She was said that her husband informed her that if she had another girl, he was going to kill himself. Needless to say, I was very distraught by that.

    I truly believe that American culture still has a preference of boys over girls. When you ask an expecting couple whether they want a boy or girl and they answer "It doesn't matter, as long as the child is healthy," don't believe them. That's code for saying they want a boy. And especially for woman who do want a girl...they tend to want them for the wrong reasons. 

    You see, most women don't want a girl to raise a daughter, they want a doll. They want something they can dress up and look cute. However, the doll begins to grow and become, well their own person. That kind of ruins the mother's fantasy perspective of what she wanted her 'little doll' to be and suddenly reality kicks in. Your daughter is not some object that you can cart around and play dress up with. She's a living, breathing, human who is emotional and intelligent and hopefully will have her own mind. Yet, the first few years of her life were spent in showered adoration, that when she realizes that the world isn't about her and she's just like everyone else, she's painted as a monster and a regret.

    Whose fault is that? Certainly not the daughters. It's the mother's unrealistic image of having a doll instead of a daughter that ruined the real perspective. You created that monster the moment you started dreaming about cute frilly clothes and not planning on instilling true human values into your child.

    And that's only one problem.

    The second problem is that some parents actually don't have the backbone to raise a daughter. I did a little research online about preference of sons over daughters and on Quora Digest I found some really good answers. However, I was somewhat annoyed by this response:

Amy Mink, B.A. Psychology

Answered Apr 27, 2018

When I discovered I was having a baby boy the second time around, I was secretly happy even though my partner and I talked about a girl following our first boy.

As I look at my two boys, I’m relieved. I’m relieved that no one will ever tell them that school subjects, like computers, math, and science is above them. I’m relieved that they can play any sports they want in school, and that they will not be denied access to join teams simply because of their sex. I’m relieved that they will likely not receive unwanted touches, hooting at a college campus, or ass smacks at the workplace. I’m relieved that they will likely not be followed home by an adult while that adult shouts obscenity at them. I’m relieved that their bodies are theirs. I’m relieved that they won’t be called, “whores,” “sluts,” “bitches” or anything degrading to their sex. I’m relieved that if and when someone calls them “sweetheart,” “sweetie,” or “honey,” they’ll most likely mean it as terms of endearment and not as a way to put them in their place. I’m relieved they will be paid for their worth in the work force. I’m relieved that no boss will judge their childless status, while silently judge them for going on maternity leave. I’m relieved that if they become fathers, they will be given the applause and offered the support that would rarely be given to the mother of their children. I’m relieved they will never suffer from pains of childbirth. Most of all, it’s really the littlest things. They will never be told to smile, because they would look so pretty if they smiled more.

Now I understand men can be victims of physical violation and violence. But as a mom of boys, I worry slightly less.

While I want to agree with what this 'boy mom,' has written, my instincts are telling me that the subtext of this message is 'boys present less of a social challenge than girls.'

Reasons for not having a girl:

1.) Not treated equally in school

2.) Gender discrimination in sports

3.) Sexual harassment in college and workplace

4.) Body autonomy

5.) Degrading terms

6.) Proper wages

7.) Workplace motherhood discrimination

8.) No support in parenthood

9.) Being a natural born woman

10.) People's personal opinions

     So, you don't want a girl because you don't want the responsibility of challenging societies attitude on woman? Well, instead of listing all your reasons as to why you don't want a girl, why don't you take these reasons and say, "I want to have a girl and raise a daughter to overcome every obstacle and challenge the world is going to throw at her." 

    And face it, woman in the United States and other western countries are the most privileged people in the world today. No matter their social status or where they come from, any woman born a U.S. citizen can be afforded every single opportunity of success and a happy life. It's not always easy and yes, there will be personal and public challenges along the way. Yet, women have not advanced in the last Millennium by shaking their heads in despair and saying, "The world is a cruel place, I don't know how I will survive as a woman."

    If the former first-wave feminists like Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton read all those reasons for a parent to not want a girl, they would be rolling in their graves. The first-wave feminists did not suffer just for people of the 21st century to continuously believe that there is no hope for girls and woman. 

     And if you have sons instead of daughters, well that's great. I hope you're doing a good job at raising them too, because we need a new generation of good men. I would love to have a boy one day. Some of my favorite kids I take care of are boys and I'm gaining great experience into how to properly bring up a son. 

     Like I said on top, this may come off as very feminist. And sad to say, the modern day feminist movement has done more damage to girls than good. Women nowadays have all the advantages in life that their grandmothers did not. And yet, that's somehow not enough. Now feminism is no longer about social equality, but rather the demoralization of women. This is quite often seen in the pro-abortion and the #metoo movements. You slap the term 'women's rights' in front of any issue and it's no longer up for debate. The purposeful ending of a human life is considered murder or in the case of an unborn child, an abortion. However, women's rights calls it healthcare. The term 'bearing false witness against thy neighbor,' is forbidden in the Ten Commandments, but woman's rights would call it 'believe all women.'

     However, it is possible that you can successfully raise daughters without demoralizing her femininity and virtue. My sisters and I were raised right alongside our brothers and never once did our parents tell us we couldn't do something because we were girls. It's possible, if you have the correct mindset. 

     I think the reason the scene in Blue Bloods affected me so much is because I see so much of myself in Nicky. I was that same wide eyed girl who wanted what was best for everyone. And for her aunt and uncle to so cruelly judge her attitude, simply based on the fact that she was a girl, was a slap in the face of any girl who is trying to understand the world around them.