Friday, March 27, 2020

Flashback Friday Post


In which I randomly select a yeara month and a post 
to look back upon


April 7, 2012

Happy Easter!


"Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, 
and they know what you have sent me. 
I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be found in them."

~John 17:25-26

The card reads: 

Top: A peaceful happy Easter

Bottom: Peace be unto you, I pray. God's sweet peace this Easter day


Saturday, March 21, 2020

Defending Daughters


What I'm about to write may be along the lines of modern day feminist ideologies. If you don't like it, read it anyway. I value people's opposing views. Lets start of with this video of an episode of CBS' Blue Bloods a show about a multi-generational family of police officers and lawyers. It's long but it's worth the watch.


     While I definitely enjoyed this moment between Nicky and her grandfather, something prior to their moment triggered my not so buried inner feminist. Rewind to 2:14 on the video to re-watch Linda Reagan's rather callous comment about how she was 'so glad she had boys,' and her husband immediately agreeing with her. When I first watched the episode it didn't bother me, but a few hours later I began to think back to the episode. And the more I thought about it, the more Linda and Danny Reagan aggravated me with their attitude toward Nicky.

    Was Nicky getting out of line and acting naive about the issue of drugs? Yes, absolutely.

    However, instead of just staying at the table and arguing with her family, she got up and left so she could cool down. Then when her grandfather sat down to talk to her, she immediately apologized for her behavior, which I think showed great maturity on her part.

Anyways, back to Danny and Linda's attitude about Nicky. I have longed believe that even with all the advances that woman have made in the last 100 years-workforce, education, military, single success--, there is still a rather biased attitude towards girls. Yes, girls can be difficult to deal with, but as someone who has to deal with boys and girls of varying ages every single day, I'll tell you that boys are no picnic either.

    The more people (like Danny and Linda) give into the attitude that having girls is a mortal sin, because, God forbid, you have to deal with a teenager, the less likely people are going to actually see the value that girls have in society. 


     Let me start off by saying, I'm not a mom, but I have been caring for children for almost 18 years. No two children are alike and sometimes I've had easier with girls and other times with boys. However, I have borne witness to social attitudes regarding girls and how damaging they can be for the proper growth of young women.

     Such as one mother that I was babysitting for that had a five year old son and an 18 month old daughter. Because her daughter was the more demanding of the two children, the mother told me that  if she has a third child, she hope it wouldn't be a girl. Because all children's personalities are based on their gender immediately after birth, right??

    When I was at school, I overheard a pregnant woman talking to her friends. She was married with two daughters. One was hers and the other was her husbands from a previous relationship. She was said that her husband informed her that if she had another girl, he was going to kill himself. Needless to say, I was very distraught by that.

    I truly believe that American culture still has a preference of boys over girls. When you ask an expecting couple whether they want a boy or girl and they answer "It doesn't matter, as long as the child is healthy," don't believe them. That's code for saying they want a boy. And especially for woman who do want a girl...they tend to want them for the wrong reasons. 


    You see, most women don't want a girl to raise a daughter, they want a doll. They want something they can dress up and look cute. However, the doll begins to grow and become, well their own person. That kind of ruins the mother's fantasy perspective of what she wanted her 'little doll' to be and suddenly reality kicks in. Your daughter is not some object that you can cart around and play dress up with. She's a living, breathing, human who is emotional and intelligent and hopefully will have her own mind. Yet, the first few years of her life were spent in showered adoration, that when she realizes that the world isn't about her and she's just like everyone else, she's painted as a monster and a regret.

    Whose fault is that? Certainly not the daughters. It's the mother's unrealistic image of having a doll instead of a daughter that ruined the real perspective. You created that monster the moment you started dreaming about cute frilly clothes and not planning on instilling true human values into your child.

    And that's only one problem.

    The second problem is that some parents actually don't have the backbone to raise a daughter. I did a little research online about preference of sons over daughters and on Quora Digest I found some really good answers. However, I was somewhat annoyed by this response:


Amy Mink, B.A. Psychology

Answered Apr 27, 2018

When I discovered I was having a baby boy the second time around, I was secretly happy even though my partner and I talked about a girl following our first boy.

As I look at my two boys, I’m relieved. I’m relieved that no one will ever tell them that school subjects, like computers, math, and science is above them. I’m relieved that they can play any sports they want in school, and that they will not be denied access to join teams simply because of their sex. I’m relieved that they will likely not receive unwanted touches, hooting at a college campus, or ass smacks at the workplace. I’m relieved that they will likely not be followed home by an adult while that adult shouts obscenity at them. I’m relieved that their bodies are theirs. I’m relieved that they won’t be called, “whores,” “sluts,” “bitches” or anything degrading to their sex. I’m relieved that if and when someone calls them “sweetheart,” “sweetie,” or “honey,” they’ll most likely mean it as terms of endearment and not as a way to put them in their place. I’m relieved they will be paid for their worth in the work force. I’m relieved that no boss will judge their childless status, while silently judge them for going on maternity leave. I’m relieved that if they become fathers, they will be given the applause and offered the support that would rarely be given to the mother of their children. I’m relieved they will never suffer from pains of childbirth. Most of all, it’s really the littlest things. They will never be told to smile, because they would look so pretty if they smiled more.

Now I understand men can be victims of physical violation and violence. But as a mom of boys, I worry slightly less.

While I want to agree with what this 'boy mom,' has written, my instincts are telling me that the subtext of this message is 'boys present less of a social challenge than girls.'

Reasons for not having a girl:

1.) Not treated equally in school

2.) Gender discrimination in sports

3.) Sexual harassment in college and workplace

4.) Body autonomy

5.) Degrading terms

6.) Proper wages

7.) Workplace motherhood discrimination

8.) No support in parenthood

9.) Being a natural born woman

10.) People's personal opinions


     So, you don't want a girl because you don't want the responsibility of challenging societies attitude on woman? Well, instead of listing all your reasons as to why you don't want a girl, why don't you take these reasons and say, "I want to have a girl and raise a daughter to overcome every obstacle and challenge the world is going to throw at her." 

    And face it, woman in the United States and other western countries are the most privileged people in the world today. No matter their social status or where they come from, any woman born a U.S. citizen can be afforded every single opportunity of success and a happy life. It's not always easy and yes, there will be personal and public challenges along the way. Yet, women have not advanced in the last Millennium by shaking their heads in despair and saying, "The world is a cruel place, I don't know how I will survive as a woman."

    If the former first-wave feminists like Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton read all those reasons for a parent to not want a girl, they would be rolling in their graves. The first-wave feminists did not suffer just for people of the 21st century to continuously believe that there is no hope for girls and woman. 

     And if you have sons instead of daughters, well that's great. I hope you're doing a good job at raising them too, because we need a new generation of good men. I would love to have a boy one day. Some of my favorite kids I take care of are boys and I'm gaining great experience into how to properly bring up a son. 


     Like I said on top, this may come off as very feminist. And sad to say, the modern day feminist movement has done more damage to girls than good. Women nowadays have all the advantages in life that their grandmothers did not. And yet, that's somehow not enough. Now feminism is no longer about social equality, but rather the demoralization of women. This is quite often seen in the pro-abortion and the #metoo movements. You slap the term 'women's rights' in front of any issue and it's no longer up for debate. The purposeful ending of a human life is considered murder or in the case of an unborn child, an abortion. However, women's rights calls it healthcare. The term 'bearing false witness against thy neighbor,' is forbidden in the Ten Commandments, but woman's rights would call it 'believe all women.'

     However, it is possible that you can successfully raise daughters without demoralizing her femininity and virtue. My sisters and I were raised right alongside our brothers and never once did our parents tell us we couldn't do something because we were girls. It's possible, if you have the correct mindset. 

     I think the reason the scene in Blue Bloods affected me so much is because I see so much of myself in Nicky. I was that same wide eyed girl who wanted what was best for everyone. And for her aunt and uncle to so cruelly judge her attitude, simply based on the fact that she was a girl, was a slap in the face of any girl who is trying to understand the world around them.

Friday, March 20, 2020

Flashback Friday Post


In which I randomly select a yeara month and a post 
to look back upon


June 9, 2015

Second-Girl Syndrome


L-R: Kate, Chloe Sullivan, Felicity Smoak, Eowyn
Yes, they all happen to be blondes...but I love 3 out of 4 of them.
     I'm going to be honest and say, I hate, hate, love triangles. They are usually shallow, melodramatic and really deter from the actual storyline. When it's a girl between two guys then it's equal on both sides. However, when it's a guy between two girls, it's an ugly situation, In most girl-guy-girl triangles, you have the preferred girl who usually gets all the hate and then you have what I've termed, the 'second-girl.' The girl madly in love with the guy who doesn't notice her and spends all her time pining over him. Originally, I called it Eponine syndrome, but due to Eponine's life in the story, she needs some sympathy (at least she got her own song). 

     The four characters I have listed below are all examples of second-girl. I hate Kate (BBC's Robin Hood), however, Chloe (Smallville), Felicity (Arrow) and Eowyn (Lord of the Rings) are all great characters. Sometimes their roles as the second-girl adds to the story, sometimes it's in their character development, but then the role can also be put upon them by fan's perspectives. Sometimes the second-girl gets the guy, like Felicity and temporarily Kate, and sometimes the girl gets a guy better suited for them, like Chloe and Eowyn, but however their story might end, the second-girl is one of the most difficult characters to write and they can either make or break the story.

~ ~ ~

Kate (BBC's Robin Hood)

     Brought in for the final season of Robin Hood, Kate was created to replace Marian (who was killed) and Djaq (who went back to the Middle East) and she had potential to be a great character, but the writers absolutely destroyed her. Kate is a peasant girl living in Locksley where she meets Robin Hood. She starts off with immediate dislike of Robin by first blaming him for her brother's death and then when she is rescued by him and Allan, she is completely rude and ungrateful. When another woman (who is absolutely terrible) walks into Robin's life, Kate is suddenly in love with him. Although, instead of just telling Robin how she felt about him, Kate was immature, childish and rude the entire time. She completely defined the second-girl syndrome with her pitiful and selfish personality and she only got worse as the season dragged on. 

     The writers were trying to create another Marian, but it just didn't work. They made Kate too feminist and too independent. Once she becomes part of the group, she thought she could be the queen bee and get Robin to herself, but Robin has his eye on Isabelle Gisborne and pays no attention to Kate in the beginning. She deserves it though for how she treated Robin. Season 3 was actually a very good season, but Kate almost ruined it.

~ ~ ~

Chloe Sullivan (Smallville)

     Now, to be honest, Chloe is a regular teenage girl who is talented and brilliant, but her crush on Clark Kent was really damaging to her character in the first 2 seasons of Smallville. Chloe has been in love with Clark since she first met him in 7th grade. Although Clark values her as a friend, he has been madly in love with beautiful and popular Lana Lang since he was 3 years old. Because of Clark's feelings for Lana and his ignorance of Chloe's feelings for him, Chloe tended to treat Lana badly in the beginning of season 1. Overtime, they became friends, but Clark was constantly coming between them. Lana couldn't help the way Clark felt about her, but she was always bearing the brunt of Chloe's anger. The hurtful part is that as friends, Chloe and Lana are great together,

     Chloe's problem (like Kate) is that she never came out and told Clark how she felt about him. So instead of telling him, she burdened Lana with her grief until it almost tore the two girls apart. So, needless to say, Chloe was very annoying in seasons 1 and 2 of Smallville and I really had a hard time liking her character. By season 3, Chloe has matured quite a lot and realizes that Clark will always just be her friend. When she comes to the realization, her friendship with Lana becomes much stronger and they really become an inseparable duo till Lana's departure in season 8.

~ ~ ~

Felicity Smoak (Arrow)
      I really do enjoy Felicity as a character, but she was never suppose to be a series regular. After her first appearance in season 1, fans and producers liked her so much that they hired Emily Bett Rickards to continue her role as the brainy computer whiz. Cool, awesome, she was another Chloe Sullivan...but then they had to go and put her in a love triangle. Now there's nothing wrong with Felicity being in love with Oliver, but I felt that being the second-girl distracted from her character at times. She's an absolute genius with a heart of the purest gold (and is really the only sane character on the show), but I felt that the writers somewhat rushed the Felicity/Oliver relationship and all fans saw her as was 'the better girl for Oliver.' She has so much more to offer the story in the beginning.

     While Felicity is in love with Oliver, Oliver, himself, is conflicted with the two Lance sisters. Neither one of them deserve him. In all actuality, Felicity is the only woman in the show that deserved Oliver, but I felt that only reason she was doing the work she was doing was only for Oliver. If someone else (with the same reasons as Oliver) asked her to to work underground for them, I don't think Felicity would jump immediately at the opportunity. Now, Felicity does end up with Oiliver in the end, but I hope fans appreciate her more than the girl who was in love with her boss.

~ ~ ~

Eowyn (The Lord of The Rings)

     Tolkein in a stroke of genius, wrote the character of Eowyn as a woman ahead of her time. Strong, fierce, beautiful and intelligent, Eowyn is the epitome of what a true adventure heroine is. Yet, in the midst of all her strength must be a vulnerable weakness and that happens to be her love with Aragorn. Of course, Aragorn is in love with Arwen, but what bothers me isn't so much the love triangle, it's the fan's perspective of both women in the story. Eowyn is a hero because she can swing a sword and ride into battle, so maybe she's a better match for Aragorn. Arwen, on the other hand, must make the hard decision of leaving Middle Earth with her people or risk her immortality and stay with Aragorn, so that makes her boring and unimportant. 

     Somehow, people think that because Eowyn fights in battle, she's the better of the two women. That because Arwen is a more subdued and tranquil, she is weak and serves no purpose. Eowyn may get the sympathy vote because of her hard life with her dysfunctional family, but does that make her more deserving than Arwen who had a happier life? Both women are equally strong and important. Eowyn is the point of reference for her family and Rohan, and Arwen is the center of all of Aragorn's most complex decisions in his life. 

A Thousand Words


     How strange it is, that an inanimate object can target so much emotion. That's what she always thought and felt everytime she saw it. It being that picture. And that picture that she couldn't abide to look at. That everyone else saw as fun and delightful, but only brought a thousand words representing a thousand emotions to her mind. Well, maybe not a thousand, but far be it from her to change a famous, but truthful quote.

    Maybe she was being too sensitive. Everyone always said she was too sensitive, always blowing things out of proportion or context. Far too dramatic. Never thankful or grateful for anything. Maybe there was some truth to all they said about her. She tried not to give them that impression, tried to be the best she could be. Put a smile on her face, never bother people with her problems, always be the good girl and shy wallflower everyone expected her to be.

    It all happened because she had gotten sick. Normally she was always in good health, but when she was sick it was misery. Her mom and sisters had planned an all girls outing to a favorite family amusement park that they had been going to for years. At the time it hadn't bothered her that she wasn't going. She had already gone numerous times that summer and there would be several more occasions to go herself before the summer was over.

     So, they left and she enjoyed the quiet day to herself. Looking back after so many years, she doesn't really remember what she did during that day, but what does that matter? It was when nighttime came, and her mom and sisters returned, that she had remembered the most.

    "How was everything,?" she asked as they all barreled into the kitchen.

    "Wonderful!" her mom said, putting a bag on a table.

     "Look what we ended up doing!" Mom continued excitedly, as she pulled something out of the bag, "I can't believe it's taken us so long to finally do it!"

     And that's what she first came face to face with it. That picture. Her mom and sisters had decided to take a fun wild west portrait at the family amusement park. At first glance, anyone else would have found it funny, but for her...she felt overwhelming anger. 

    "They did that? Without me? The one time I'm sick and I didn't go and they decided to do a family portrait?!"

    Her absence was clearly noticeable and she wondered if other people would ask about it. Ask where she was. She wondered if her mom or any of her sisters had asked themselves that, before they went off and did this. Now, Mom and her sisters were far from stupid, but she had to really wonder where their intelligence was that day.

    Did they really think, really honestly think that they were going to show her an expensive picture of all of them together...without her, on the one day she couldn't go and not expect her to be somewhat hurt about that?

    Looking at that picture. A simple black and white portrait of her mom and sisters dressed up in wild west garb and her not there. So many, many things came. Anger, confusion, sadness. All of it at once. 

    "So you like it?" her mom asked

    "Of course, it's lovely" she said, holding back the tears and the urge to ask why the hell they had gone off and done this.

    Then everything went back to normal. Those few seconds of viewing that picture had seemed like an eternity. However, she had held up. Had lied to her family and they never suspected a thing. Throughout her life she had really honed her lying abilities. Something she shouldn't be proud of, but it kept her out of trouble. 

    She certainly wasn't going to cause a scene. That would have just been selfish. She tried to reason that it wasn't personal, maybe it was a last minute decision, maybe this would have been the last time they would have all been able to go together. But that was the thing, they weren't together. She wasn't there. She knew it wasn't personal, that they hadn't done it to hurt her, but the hurt was there all the same. 

    They hadn't given any explanation as to why they just randomly decided to take this picture; nor had they promised they would do another one with her in it, the next time they went. 

    Then she left and went back to her room to lay down. She had had enough for one night.

** ** ** ** **

    Her sister had kept that portrait and put it out to view in her apartment. And everytime she saw it, she hated it even more. She wanted to smash the damn thing. How could they not have realized how much that picture hurt her? How could they not take into consideration how it might make her feel left out (not like that feeling was anything new. Play your violin if you want. Her feelings didn't give a f*ck).  The one time she didn't go. 

    It had ruined any love she had of the family amusement park. Everytime she saw that photo-booth, she had a desire to go and get her own portrait done, without anyone from her family. Just her, by herself. No one else was needed and as far as she was concerned, she didn't want them with her. Yet, she could never bring herself to do it. 

    The only instance that came close to the family picture was when her friend...well former friend, had decided to attend the homeschooling prom with some other friends from church. She had known nothing about this until they were talking about it afterwards. 

    "I had no idea there was a prom," she had said.

    "Yeah..." said her friend casually, "We forgot to tell you."

     Forgot to tell her? She lived two houses down from her once friend and they had all gotten ready at her friend's house. This had all happened while she herself was at home and not one person bothered to go and ask her. 

    She didn't want to feel like Cinderella, but Christ Almighty, could her friend have been anymore publicly obvious about how she wasn't wanted? Thank God that friendship ended. Something she didn't lose sleep over.

    So, she had been hurt by people more than once. She never tried to think it was personal, but were people so clueless about common decency toward others, that they just don't think about the harmful emotional consequences of their actions?

    She hasn't seen the picture in ages. Good. She hoped it was buried somewhere in storage where she would never have to relive those moments of anger and sadness. 

    A picture is worth a thousand words. A thousand words she would probably never say. She would know what the outcome would be if she said anything. The barrage of scoffs and eye rolling and the 'get over yourself and move on,' attitude. Then some yelling and talking behind her back about how ungrateful she was. No. She kept her words to herself. She loved her family and wouldn't hold one thoughtless action against them. 

    She surrounded herself with other pictures. Art, nature, beauty. Overtime, she knew that the hated picture would mean nothing to her. The thousand words maybe creeping up from time time. However, there were better words for her to say in her life.

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!


May the strength of God,
pilot us
May the wisdom of God
instruct us,
May the hand of God,
protect us,
May the word of God,
direct us.

~Saint Patrick