Modesty, Romance and Everything in Between

"The Birth of Venus" by Alexandre Cabanel

Webster's Definitions

Modest: Properly restrained by a sense of propriety; not bold or forward.

Modesty: Chasity or purity of manners.

When you hear the word modesty what's the first thing that jumps to your mind?

What you wear and how it affects other people. Well, that's partly true, but actually the term modest is actually describing ones attitude and actions.

Now, I like to think that I'm modest in what I wear. I wear jeans, camisole tops, halter tops, and whatever I find pretty and comfortable. My mom has normally been strict in what I do or do not wear and there are times when I've crossed the boundary line, but more often than not, I dress pretty well.

In this time we live in a era that is obsessed with the constant battle between modest vs. immodest clothing. The Christian community has its heart in the right place when it encourages girls to dress appropriately, but there are times that I think they go to far and make a bigger issue out of it than it really needs to be.

I might be pretty safe in saying that if you are a young girl raised in a Christian family with at least one brother, than you have probably heard the saying "Men are very visual and we can't tempt them by what we wear."

That's all well and true and I totally agree with it, but the Christian society has too often rammed this belief down girl's throats and give no thought to what they might feel .

It's almost as if they believe that girls are completely inept to conceive the thought that they might find boys attractive.

Don't we also have eyes that can see?

Don't we also have minds that can think?

And honestly if it's such a big deal, I think society can tell the male race to exercise a little self control and not have everything be at the expense of the women. This is America, not the Middle East. I'm not going to hold myself accountable for every thought that comes into a guy's mind when he sees me. I'm not forcing him to look at me and I'm not forcing him to act as God created him to be.

Women have been made to long for men since the creation of Eve. I've been boy crazy since I was nine years old! I have four sisters who are just the same as me.

 

Now, I totally and 100% find this utterly attractive and worth looking at maybe once or twice. Or just save it on the computer to look at whenever you want. I mean, in my mind there's just something about a guy with a sword, a shield, dressed in Middle Ages period clothing that gets me going. God created me to be like that and I'm thankful everyday that he did.

The point is girls are just as visual as boys are, we just don't make it as public. 

Another thing is, girls can find a man attractive really no matter how he's dressed or not dressed (spare yourself the mental image in the latter words.) It really doesn't matter to me, I'm not so single-minded that I only prefer a man to look one certain way.

And to be honest, guys are not so single minded either. My brothers are almost bigger fashionistas then me when it comes to women's clothing.

The Christian society has also linked this belief in saying that girls are emotional and that they fall into temptation because of romantic thoughts and ideas. Once again also true, but the same society seems to believe that all girls are romantic.

Well, I'll have to break it to you, I am not a romantic person. I don't care about flowers, chocolates, soft music, or even dates. My idea of a romantic date is taking a walk down our country road, talking and getting to know one another.

I've also believed that chocolates, flowers, and dates when two people are in a relationship prior to marriage (courtship, but I loathe that term) sometimes seems like leading a lamb to the slaughter.

Scenario: Nice guy woos a girls with candy and flowers and causes to her heart to go all a flutter (thank you Princess Kate for that wonderful image that is in my mind) and makes her think that he's wonderful. 

Once that ring is on her finger though the romance stops and everything that caused her to think he was great was nothing more than a lie.

Sometimes it's true and sometimes it's not. I don't believe in it, because I don't want the guy to think that he is obligated to do so to win my affection. Also if he does do it, I know that it's genuine, because it wasn't a requirement of mine, but truly done from his heart.

Another thing I find so wonderfully attractive about a man is a man who loves children. In this day in age people think that men who spend time with children must be some kind of pedophile or child molester. That is completely, totally, and diabolically ridiculous.

A man who cares for children and understands them is incredible and rare thing.  I guess because I love children, I wan to find someone who loves them just as much as I do.

Modesty at its core is about how we act, not necessarily how we dress. It's how we present ourselves to other people. Now, I'm not saying we can wear whatever we want, but a good attitude and a right spirit is just as important.

One persons view on modesty isn't going to be the same as another persons. I respect that and I'm not going to judge another person based on their outward appearance.

Girls live in a time where femininity has been looked down upon and in some cases horribly brutalized. It's no longer acceptable to be generous, kind, and loving towards everyone.

Romance can be misleading and a disillusionment. Like a teen girl's obsession with Edward Cullen or Mr. Darcy, both literary characters, both don't exist and yet in the hearts and minds of girls there the next best thing to reality. A hard hit to guys, because now they feel that they can't measure up to something that's a fantasy.

The media tells Girls to dress this way, act that way, be independent, do what you want, follow your heart, etc. Now, girls are smart, they are strong, and more often than not, they are able to think for themselves and in other cases many girls are not able to.

Girls raised in Christian families have been given the wonderful opportunity to be witnesses to girls that are not so fortunate. And that's not by looking down on them by the way they dress or by how they choose to live their lives, but by simply employing the gifts that God has enabled them with and use them for some purpose in this world.

~Ivy