Where The Sun and Stars Meet (Pt. 2)

Frigga knocked softly on Sif's door; she thought she heard her crying.

"Come in," came an unsteady answer.

Frigga walked in and to her surprise, Sif was crying. Her head was in her hands and she was breathing heavily.

"Oh my dear," said Frigga as she hurried and kneeled in front of her, "What is it? Is your head still aching?"

"No," said Sif, "I only wish it was though. It's my heart. It aches for Thor and for Kass. I feel like it shall break soon, knowing that Thor has still not loved his own daughter as he should."

Frigga sighed. She took Sif's head into her arms and stroked her long dark hair. Sif had been the closest thing to a daughter she had ever had, at least since losing her own so many years before.

"I don't know what to do," said Sif, "Please, what am I doing wrong? What must I do right to make Thor see the error of his actions?"

"There is nothing you can do," said Frigga softly, "This is something only Thor can do."

Sif wiped her face. Her husband had been through a great deal in the last several years, with Loki being banished to an unknown terrain in the cosmos, and the sudden death of the mortal woman...Jane. Yes, Thor had a lot to grieve over, but shouldn't a child bring him joy? Or peace? Or something? Rather than this constant rage he lived in toward his own daughter.

Thor loved Sif and she knew that, but Jane...his love for her was different and that love for her was still there. Sif couldn't feel any resentment toward the mortal for that. It was her that saved Thor from himself and brought him back to Asgard a better god.

Maybe Thor did just marry her out of obligation and just to produce heirs for the throne, but then there were those times when he looked at her in a certain way, or smiled at her, or speak soft words of tenderness to her, that Sif knew fully in her heart that Thor did love her.

Like he did earlier when he gently took her hand and asked how she was feeling. Couldn't some of that love for her be spared for his child? If not love Kass for himself, couldn't he just show her affection for her mother's sake?

~  ~ ~

The thunderstorm continued to rage on and on. Lightning striking every few seconds and thunder rumbling louder and louder in the distance. Thor’s anger toward his wife and resentment toward that brat of a daughter was rumbling even louder.

“Why? Why does it matter what I care about that little girl?

Because she is your daughter

Thor’s head shot up.

“Heimdall, stop.”

No. This must stop.

“Well, this does not concern you or anyone else!”

Really?

Thor had enough of it. If Heimdall was going to play with his mind from across the Bifrost, he may as well go out and talk to him himself.

 

~ ~ ~

Heimdall, all seeing, all knowing god and gatekeeper of the Bifrost saw the mighty Thor riding across the bridge through the stormy weather. His blue eyes were as dark as the night sky and his face was as hard as stone. Thor stopped his horse and dismounted.

"If you have something to say to me, you can say it to my face," he demanded as he walked up to him.

The gatekeeper's golden eyes softened and said simply, "Come out of the rain."

Thor took his horse and followed Heimdall into his golden conservatory. Very rarely did the gatekeeper speak to someone's mind, but somehow Thor was always the exception.

As a gregarious and sometimes overbearing young child, Heimdall was the only person who could ever get him under control. Odin was always turning his sons over to him when he had had enough of their constant trouble making.

Thor ran his hands through his wet messy hair and sat down on the steps. To Heimdall it all seemed too familiar, like a memory from yesterday...

"Hiemdall, you must believe me!" pleaded ten year old Thor.

 "Why should I believe you?"

"Because I really am telling the truth this time! I didn't mean to push Sif down the well, it was an accident!"

"According to Loki, you seemed to get much enjoyment from this...accident," Heimdall said.

Thor's face reddened. True, he had laughed, but he didn't laugh after Sif came back up and decked him in the face. Which caused him to push her back, but this time she pulled him in with her. At the end, Loki was the only one laughing...and the only one who wasn't in trouble, either.

"I just get so mad when Sif thinks she knows everything," Thor grumbled, sitting down on the steps and looking up at the gatekeeper, "and if I tell her she might be wrong...well...I just won't tell her she's wrong anymore. That's the safest thing to do."

"That is not a wise decision," Heimdall said, "you must never lie to keep yourself safe."

"Why?" asked Thor

"Because the truth, no matter how painful it might seem at the time, is always the right thing to say."

"Well...then I...I just won't talk to Sif anymore," Thor said, but his face was still bright red.

Heimdall smiled, "You have a long way to go"...

"There was a point in time when you always came to me with your problems," Heimdall said.

"That's when I was a child," said Thor

"And shouldn't your child be able to go to you for her problems?"

"Heimdall, I did not ride all the way out here to have you lecture me about being a parent, which is something I don't think you've ever been. So don't impart wisdom to me on a subject you know nothing about!"

Thor was about to walk out when Heimdall said, "You are the closest thing to a son I have ever had. And if it was only you, then so be it. I have been with you in every stage of your life, the good and the bad. Through love and through loss."

“Loss,” thought Thor, “Loki, Jane…Netta.”

“All that I have lost has been my fault,” said Thor in a choked voice.

“That’s not true,” Heimdall said.

“Isn’t it?” asked Thor looking up at him, “I could have saved them.”

“No, you couldn’t and you have nothing to feel guilty about and no right to blame yourself.”

“Netta is dead because of me!” Thor shouted, “and I know my parents blame me every single day for it!”

“Have you asked them?”

“I don’t need too,” Thor growled.

“I saw what happened,” Heimdall said, “those many years ago.”

“Well, you don’t have to remind me of it!” shouted Thor, “I can’t sleep at night without hearing her screams! Her screams for me to rescue her! And I didn’t come! I didn’t save her!”

“You were a little boy, an eleven year old boy, who was just as scared as she was. No one would expect you to be able to save her.”

“I could have at least tried,” said Thor.

Heimdall was silent for a second and then he said, “Guilt can do much damage to our souls. It holds us back and separates us from others. It is a constant reminder of our past that imprisons any hope of a future. You can’t live like this.”

Thor looked up at him, his eyes filled with tears.

The gatekeeper knelt down in front of him and looked him straight in the eyes, “Kass is not Netta. Your sister was your father’s daughter and was his responsibility alone. Not the responsibility of his eleven year old son. Kass is not Loki. Loki was not, and still is not, your responsibility. You did everything you could to save him, but in the end he destroyed himself.”

Tears began to fall down Thor’s face. Heimdall went on.

“Jane…was the victim of a terrible accident that was in no relation to you. Just because you were not there, does not mean you are to blame.”

Thor thought about what Heimdall had said.

You are not to blame.

Netta was only a baby. She was three when she…when she had followed him and Loki to the stables.

Guilt keeps you in the past.

It seemed only yesterday…

End of Pt. 2

Where The Sun and Stars Meet

 Where the Sun and Stars Meet

Part One

A Thor fanfiction

Thor walked through the long candlelit hallways of the palace. The lightning storm outside grew louder and louder. Rain pelted the roof and fogged the window panes. Thunder rumbled in the distance, coming ever closer.

He really wished that Sif hadn’t sent him down there. He hadn’t been down those hallways that led to that room for years. Then he smiled when he began to remember all those memories spent in that room; the baby’s nest (nursery).

Thor remembered all of his and Loki’s imaginary adventures they had as boys. Wielding their small wooden swords and shields and running across their own little rainbow bridge that father had made for them.

As he made the final turn, Thor remembered him and Loki studying the history of their predecessors and warriors of Asgard. Actually, Loki preferred to do all the reading and studying. To this day, Thor had never known anyone who could read as much as Loki did when he was a child.

He on the other hand couldn’t sit still for five minutes; he was always jumping up and acting out the latest battle that they had just read about. He must have driven his tutors to madness.

“Back away from Asgard, evil King Laufey, or I’ll destroy Jotunheim!” shouted nine year Thor as he thrust his sword into the imaginary foe.

“Thor,” said Loki, who had just turn seven, “we’re supposed to be reading about it this. Not acting it out.”

“But I feel like a mighty warrior just hearing about all the great battles of Asgard,” Thor said, his tenacity unabated.

“You feel like a warrior, but you sound like an idiot,” said Loki as he brushed his messy black hair out of his pale face.

For being the god of mischief and lies, Loki wasn’t afraid to tell the truth when it needed to be told. An aching pain spread through Thor’s heart.

He missed Loki. So much.

In spite of all he had done, Thor still loved his brother dearly. He hadn’t seen him in years, but Loki’s presence was still there in Asgard and he could never be forgotten. In spite of his harsh words about being overshadowed by his brother.

Thor stopped at the door of the baby’s nest. With a shaking hand he opened it. The room had changed very little since he had been a child. The only difference was the small golden haired girl playing on the rainbow bridge.

She was chattering on happily to her dolls as lined them across the bridge. Her bright blue eyes were filled with delight and wonder as befitted a three year old.

Suddenly she looked up and smile came to her face.

“Hello Father,” she said jumping up from her play.

Thor felt his blood begin to rage. How he wished to be anywhere but there.

 ~ ~ ~

When Thor found out that Sif had given birth to a daughter instead of the son that they had both desperately yearned for, he found himself compromised. He wanted his firstborn to be a son, to raise him as his father had, to teach him fight, to ride, and battle.

Instead it was female. He knew nothing about girls and quite frankly, Sif knew very little about raising a daughter as well. They hadn’t even thought of any female names in their assurance that it was going to be a boy.

Frigga named her. Although, she had never stated her opinion about the sex of the child, Thor knew full well she had wanted it to be a girl. And how happy she was when she heard of the news of the birth of her granddaughter.

The replacement for the daughter she had lost long ago. The daughter she had lost due to Thor’s careless actions as a boy. This new child would be her second chance, her redemption, and Thor knew she must loathe him for not loving her like a father should.

Frigga had named her Kass, which meant beloved and she was her grandmother’s beloved darling as well as her grandfathers. Both of them seemed to love her more than her parents did when she was first brought into this world.

Although somewhat disappointed at the fact that she was unable to give her husband a son, when Sif held her daughter for the first time, a wave of love filled through her. A love she had never felt before. Strong, yet tender. Sif started to cry when she held her.

Her, Sif, the goddess of war, crying over a newborn child?

"She's beautiful," Sif said as cradled the tiny bundle in her arms.

"She's not what we wanted," Thor said coldly.

Sif looked up at him. How could he be so cold about this precious child? Yes, they had wanted a son, but...did it matter now? They had a beautiful healthy daughter. A princess of Asgard. How long had it been since Asgard had boasted of a princess?

"Thor," she said slowly, "we may not always get what we want or our plans turn out the way that we wish them too, but maybe this is better. The unexpected always surprises us."

"Well, then I will leave you to rejoice in the unexpected," growled Thor as he stormed out of the room.

---

"Go back and play," said Thor with no warmth in his voice.

Kass stopped running to him; her blue eyes clouded and her smile faded. She obediently turned back and went back to playing with her dolls, but no longer with the same joy that she had moments before.

After three years of this child and still Thor could find no reason to be with her. Sif had only sent him up there to check on her and make sure she was all right. He wasn't up there to play. What could he possibly do with a girl?

As he looked around the room, he realized that it had changed. When he had been in there as a child, it had been filled with toy swords and shields. Now it was filled with dolls and stuffed animals.

"What does a child do with so many dolls?" Thor thought.

Most of them were gifts and present from her grandparents. Kass was downright spoiled by them and by her mother.

Of all the changes that Kass's birth brought, the change in Sif had been the biggest. Once the lady warrior of Asgard who dreamed of battles and adventures, now motherhood made her soft. She now preferred to spend hours with her daughter, reading to her, playing with her, and taking her everywhere with her. Kass was her constant shadow.

Except for today. Sif had a terrible headache and had sent Kass to play in the baby's nest. Well, Thor had done his job and could report back to his wife that her daughter was fine.

As he was about to turn and walk out the door he heard Kass's little voice ask, "Father, where's Mama?"

"She's not feeling well," he said looking straight at her, "So you are to stay in here until someone comes and gets you. Do you understand?"

The little girl nodded her head in silent reply.

Thor walked out of the room, but not without hearing a small choked sob before closing the door.

---

Sif sat back against her pillows and pressed the scented compress to her forehead.

"This damned weather always put me in such a mood," she thought glumly as she watched the rain hit against the bedroom window.

The door opened and Thor walked in quietly.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as he sat down on the bed next to her.

Sif smiled, "Better now that you're here."

Thor took her hand gently in his and kissed the top.

"How's Kass?" Sif asked

"Fine," was his short reply.

She didn't know how much longer she could take of her husband's cold and resentful attitude toward his own child.

"This can't go on like this," she said, "Kass is our daughter, your child. She's a sweet, loving little girl who is desperate longing for her father's love."

"I know nothing about raising a daughter," argued Thor.

"Neither did I...at first, but it came eventually. You have to give it time."

"I don't want to give it anything," Thor said letting go of her hand, "She has you and my parents."

"You are her father!" Sif said, almost on the verge of tears, "You are an irreplaceable part of her life!"

Thor stood up, "She's softened you," he said, "Made you weak and trust your feelings instead of your instincts. If we had had a son-"

"Well, we don't!" cried Sif, "And if we had a son, I would probably be the same way I am with Kass because he would be my child as she is. I feel no wrong in my change! I never thought I would be a mother, but every day with my little girl brings more joy than the greatest victory in battle. Kass is my greatest victory."

She stood up and took her husband's hand. Tears filled her eyes and in a trembling voice she said, "It grieves me beyond all measure to see that you have become her greatest enemy."

"I will leave you to your emotional grief then," said Thor as he let go of her hand, "There is nothing that could possibly tempt me into wanting to accept that girl as my child."

Sif choked back a sob and tears trailed down her face. As she heard the slamming of the door, she buried her face into her pillows; her head pounding and her heart breaking.

---

Thunder crashed outside the baby's nest window and Kass jumped up and held her dolly tighter.

"Mama," she said in a small voice, "Mama, I miss you."

She went over to the rainbow bridge and snuggled up against her other dolls. Kass thought about her father and why he never seemed to like her. She tried to be a good girl and never be mean to people, or get into trouble, or fight, or be rude, and always listen to Mama and Grandfather and Grandmother. It was a lot for a little girl to do, but she did what she could.

Kass tried to be a good girl around her father, but more often than not, he ignored her. She didn't like seeing him angry, it scared her. Actually, Kass was afraid of her father. He was so big and so strong, and when he looked at her with his stern face it made her want to run away. Still whenever she saw him, like she did today in the baby's nest, she harbored some hope that her father would pick her up in his arms and give her a kiss like grandfather did.

He never did though. Kass wiped away a tear that fell down her pale white cheek. Hugging her dolly closer to herself, she tried to fall asleep until the scary storm stopped.

(End of Part One)

~ ~ ~ 

It's been a while since I've written a fan-fiction. Actually it's been a while since I've written...anything, stories, blog posts, poems. Pinterest obsession, what can I say : ) Anyway, this is just a one shot story and I'm in the process of writing part two. So I hope you enjoyed it.

~Ivy